Be Radical. Even in Prison. (01/30/2024)

Well My first week in prison is almost complete. Every day we have the 9:30pm count is one day closer to me coming home. Being here has been like drinking from a fire hose. A lot to take in very quickly. It's not exactly a picnic AND it's also true that it's not so bad. I am so far, adjusting just fine. A few fun prison facts: - Clothing Irons work fabulous for toasting bagels. - Fresh Tampons work perfect for washing dishes. - The lid of an AJAX can? PERFECT Cheese grater..... welcome to the FEDS on this side of the fence. Honestly I find myself constantly amazed by the creativity of survival in women's prison. Prior to coming here my best friend and I joked (although I dont think she was joking....actually I think she was dead serious lol) we joked about toughening me up for prison from the way I stood, held my face to the way I talked. We practiced responses and she gave me feedback on if they were "tough enough". I often didn't pass the tough test. "ohhh girl. we have a lot of work to do on you" she laughed. " Find your inner B****!" everyone was telling me. I tried. I really did. However it only took a few days in and one inmate was trying to describe me to another inmate and she said "oh. the one who smiles all of the time". At first that was disheartening to hear. I thought "Dang. I look weak. Shauna get it together! toughen up!". I headed out to the track where I've been spending a lot of my first week (pretrial supervision weight aint no joke!!!). I saw in my thoughts of who I am and how i was going to represent myself while in prison. Then across the radio station I was listening to a man began talking about how it is normal to be hateful - yet it is 'radical to be kind'. I felt the spirit speak to me. - "Be radical in prison Shauna." I recalled it isn't about who I'm going to be and how i'm going to represent myselfm rather it is WHOSE I am and it is God I represent. I know there will be those that have hatred for me simply by smiling and being kind. AND it is a commandment given to us by Jesus. "John 13:34-35 says "Love each other just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my dicsiples". To love one another as much as Jesus loves others is "radical". I hope that one day someone here asks me "why do you smile so much" and I'll get to say "Jesus". I know I'm doing a short walk through here but it is a goal of mine to hold on to my hope in Jesus to maintain my positive attitude. It's fairly difficult to remain smiling when my ex refuses to answer the phone so I can talk to our children. I've never gone this long without hearing their sweet little voices. AND I'm surrounded by several wonderful women who have encouraged me through that. But I'm not going to lie. It sucks. I'm only a week in though.....stay tuned.  Love you all.

Love always, Shauna